VISIT TO THE SHRINK part 3

obviously, to get at what i'm saying here, read the former post, if you still haven't :)

going off to college
this means that we had to separate ways because not all of us would be going to the same college and enter in the same course. its a fact of life. even though we went to the same college, being in different courses would also have the same effect - well even denise, crissy and charleen are i think sort of experiencing this effect. we have different dreams, and college gives us the opportunity to pursue them.
it was indeed sad, but it just basically told me that more effort had to be made to keep in touch and together.

i had bad experiences with leaving friends before
when i transferred to st. scho for high school, i had left the friends i made in grade school. not that they were many and that our relationship was very close to my heart. i guess i just valued it more. (buti na lang talaga nabitbit ko hangang st. scho si ate pam) my leaving was quite hard for those people i called my friends, i still remember crying on the phone with charlie-charlotte. they said they would miss me. but i guess it never showed. it was always i who would make the effort to call them or simply greet them on their birthday every year. for a while marino would send me some animé stuff through my younger cousin. but that was that. then it became tiring. someone told me i expected too much, and i guess that was it. i shouldn't expect, so i didn’t. i finally let the memories go after three years of trying to keep in touch. i said thank you, goodbye and see you sometime in the future. and i felt better about myself.
that was not the first time i had transferred schools, i guess i was just more sentimental.
i also transferred schools when we came back to the philippines. but come to think of it the adjustment i had to go though was more drastic. from a british system of schooling, and language to that of pinoy. the people were totally different. i remember i still wasn’t used to being teased by my last name, it meant nothing in english anyway. but i'm straying too far from my point. i also left some friends behind. i guess as a kid i took it a lot lighter, but it still was sad for me. kristina and i kept writing to each other, and still do. she visited me when she came to the country when i was in third year, she even sat in my class for two days. kristina and i were the best of friends then, to some point we still are. i guess the strong relationship we had as friends made us take the extra effort.
i guess that’s why i expected too much from my troika friends, well most of them. i have always considered them close to my heart. and i thought taking the extra mile would be easy for friends like that. and no, denise. i'm NOT saying that i'm the only one who takes the extra effort, in fact i feel i don’t even make an effort to reach everybody.

and here again... i see...
i am again in a situation where i have left friends behind. its not new to me, but the feeling of departure has always made me sad - well except for instances like dismissal from a very boring class.
i got the opportunity to study at UPLB with karina - she's taking up communication arts and i'm taking up development communication. crissy, charleen and denise are block mates taking up communication arts in la salle. bom and erryl are taking up engineering both in la salle but different kinds of engineering - sino sa inyo ang chem., at electrical uli?. keithly is taking up inter-disciplinary business studies in la salle as well. marianne is taking up psychology, and tina just shifted to the same course from english this year. both are in la salle. elaine is taking up political science in UST. cristina rabe is in st. scho, i think taking up education-rabe, what are you taking up? is it really education? i'm really sorry. jackie is in the makati medical center school taking up nursing. mara is in UP manila taking up filipino-right? i dont know where paula and melay went for college, but i would sure like to know how they're doing. note: la salle is the DLSU at taft.
i haven't seen my troika friends for so long, and throughout my first year of college you can count by the fingers on one of your hands the number of times i've seen them or been with them. let me enumerate. note: there never was an instance we were complete, that usually happens for big groups. i was only able to see some of them
the first time i was able to see some of them since the start of my freshman year was on olive's birthday. that was a july. we were still fresh out of high school, so not much new was about, well except for that eerie feeling towards karn, and a few fun new stories about our new schools. but all in all it was fun putting on ladylike clothes in a race - he he, and the food was great too.
the next was three months later. it was the regular semester break, unfortunately the most people studying in la salle had tri sem on their shoulders. one wednesday, crissy called a meeting at ... what was the name of that restaurant? it was the restaurant where the Quickly stand stood in along vito cruz. Mings something? oh well. i came late-sorry, peace tayo!-because i left late and got caught up in the commuter's traffic i'm no longer used to in manila. i didn’t get to eat lunch with them, but was able to catch up till merienda time. to tell you frankly i felt out of place and left out. in tagalog: na OP ako. i felt drowned among things i knew or hardly relate to. and i felt whatever i said was a different language to them. ok exaagg pero ganon ang feeling ko. its not their fault, its mine. i think i have an attitude problem. no, people would disagree. i have an attitude problem. i'm not asking for apologies, i'm merely venting out what i felt.
i heard they did some kind of jpop MTV together and submitted it to some contest. they put a lot of effort into it, even sacrificing their academics a bit. though i can hardly relate to that, i guess i could say i'm proud of them for making a big effort. i miss making productions. i just hope they had fun doing it together.
nga pala, i paid 50 pesos for the latest – noon - troika button pin, but i never got it. ok lang. masaya naman ang nakapagmerienda sa 50 ko. buti na pakinabangan na ng iba basta ba kinaliangan nila e.
the monday after that, tasja – a member of the extended troika, sort of - asked us out to Robinson's place manila. at first i was hesitant to go, but i was advised by someone very wise to go, and see who among my friends i should keep and treasure. ang sama tuloy pakingan. so i went. i saw tasja, karina, mara-who had to leave early because she had to register for the next sem. mas maaga sila sa manila- and keithly-who came late because she had to attend a class. jacke could not come and lady backed out- i think. yes it was eerie, i don’t need to tell you why. keithly, thanks for Auntie Anne's and everything that went with it.
i would see them 5 month's later on mara's debut. thanks for inviting me mara! her debut was really nice, and semi formal. we were all almost there, except for bom, marianne and elaine. i expected - here i go again at expecting - that we would be updating each other on how we were all doing and i would hear fun stories of their college life - take note, not how difficult school was, we all knew that. i was able to to some extent only, and the rest was play, in some sense. and that eerie feeling again. not to let mara down, it was a beautiful debut, and i hope she felt really special. oh! and the wine was lovely, i think drank almost half the bottle.
the last time i saw my friends was two months ago. we were only 5: marianne, tina, olive, keithly and i. i personally had a lot of fun. Glorietta, watch movie, eat lunch, and walk around, and talk about what has been going on with our lives. simple enough but well spent. we bought a listerine pocket pack and got a free 6-months valid movie ticket. sad that i still haven’t used it, even to watch Spiderman-ah! i still haven't watched it. who wants to go watch a movie with me? its valid till novemeber. keithly? anyway, we got to watch Shrek 2 for free, just because we were all globe users. he he he. before that we were able to chit-chat at taters for a while and as we met up together. we ate lunch at Komoro Soba at G1 and had a studio pic taken at Kodak. and the rest was just walking around Ayala. thanks to keithly for contacting everyone. he he sorry i was in Paete, Laguna with my dorm mates for fior's birthday.
i read from one of their blogs, i don’t remember who's, that they went to intramuros a week before. that could have been fun. but as a very concerned friend said, maybe they just want to go out by themselves, and i have to respect that, because we have every right to do that too. i do respect it, and i'm sorry for feeling bad about it. but it would be nice for the whole troika to go out on an .outing like that
denise went to japan...oh! she's back. ok what happened? den, bakit ka punta ng japan? may scholarship ka? project? wala lang trips lang? sino kasama mo? kwento naman o. ano ginawa mo? may pasalubong?-joke! sorry
i remember watching the movie of little women, the one where wynona played jo march. claire danes played beth march - she died. but before she did she said something that struck me. i don't recall the exact words but it goes something like this: its alright that i'm left alone, but i don’t want to be left behind.

posting sa troika
ok, ang kaugatan ng galit ni den sa'kin. i may have took it wrongly and misunderstood, but it still had an effect on me. sa bagay effective naman, napagpost siya, at ang iba pa. ayos pala, kailangan mo lang talaga magpapansin para may manyari. parang ang mga ipinapatupad sa pamahalaan.
i've noticed that since college the posts at troika have lessened by a large percent. a year ago there were more posts, others usually one-liners, or stuff i could hardly relate to, or forwards. now there are hardly any. it's just normal for that to happen. even when we were all in high school loads of school work took our free time, and it still does, in a larger magnitude. i understand why people cant post. even i dont post.
1. no time
2. don’t read email
3. have no access to computer with internet
4. not able to check when using internet
5. bouncing email
my point is this. i've made it a habit to post the question about how everyone is doing. i just want updates from those that have time and resources to answer. since i've noticed i don’t really get that much detailed information when we all meet, which is quite sad. the happy thing is we are contented with enjoying each other's company.