diyse nuebe

Warning: dramatic and unorganized thoughts.

They say your eighteenth year is a year that welcomes you to womanhood (for girls of course), to adulthood, but I guess my eighteenth year has welcomed me, most of all, to a maturity that can only happen once in eighteen years.

I have a lot to be thankful for: my Life, and what goes on in it, my family, the fact that I’m not impoverished, the people I call my friends, even those who are not, but this is no award-winning speech so being thankful to everything is just enough.

This year a lot has changed in me. I have a modified outlook in life, a new way of looking at things. New habits (though I’m still OC, which is the local term for organized but not necessarily obsessive compulsive). I’ve learned to let go of a lot of things that have always kept puling me down.

I’ve grown a bigger appreciation for life (after finding out something very disturbing) and the things it has to offer. I want to enjoy my life and no longer wait for life to make me enjoy.
I like the light now better than the dark (in thoughts and deeds), especially when it comes to taking pictures. I guess photography has opened my eyes to the many things I can see and take with me on film. One day I want to be a really good photographer even just as a hobby or recreation.

I want to make my life worth living and in the end say that it was worth bringing me to life.
Unlike most people I know where I want to go, even just for now. I know where I want to go and that’s the UN. Even though it was my father who plotted out that one for me, it is to that I am grateful for and a lot of things. He has taught me much about the world, about life, and has influenced my thinking in so many ways. I want to help a lot of people and I want to help the environment (conserve). We get everything form the environment. I guess this goes back to my study of nature worship but now on the brighter side.

Call me a dull person compared to people who do so much (politics, surfing, modeling, singing, playing in a band, while keeping a good academic standing at the same time. you know, those type of people who are just so…multitalented. And there goes the endless debate as to whether talent is god-given or learned). I don’t like sports as much as I love crafts or sitting at home and reading or watching movies. But I would like to develop my cooking skills
I know I still don’t know much about myself, I can’t even memorize the films or the kinds of music that I like, more the kinds of music. I don’t even have a favorite song. With all the music in the world I wouldn’t want to single out anything, there’s too much to choose form.
They say I used to be aggressive, I’m not anymore. If that’s a bad thing maybe it is because I no longer speak in front of crows the way I used to or speak my mind politically or even as simple as something I want to say and affirm. I’m shy and I don’t like crowds and I ‘m wondering as to whether there was a point in my life that I really liked them. I’m claustrophobic and don’t like to go within masses of people.
Although I may say I have grown up to some extent, I am still a kid inside. And I like having that kid around to always remind me to be happy and smile. I’m still in the process of discovering myself as I discover the world. I have a lot to learn. We learn something new everyday, isn’t that great about life?

I’m going through the apprenticeship that will turn my life around forever…again. The Jocks will give me the chance to experience new things, the kinds of things I wouldn’t normally do just for the heck of it. Me? Hosting? You get the picture. But most of all, this would give me the opportunity to meet new friends: pass or fail. I usually find myself thinking: ano ba’tong pinapasok ko?, accompanied by a load of a negative ideas, knowing that I know nothing about music, artists, genres etc. That’s just another things I’m looking forward to experience, even though it will take a lot of reading and practically saturating myself with what I didn’t know before. Exactly, I want to be apart of that the Jocks do, that’s why I’m here.

As I reflect back on the year that was, I cannot help but feel sentimental.
I’ve come to accept the realities of my life, even though how harsh they may be.
A lot has happened, and in the worst of circumstances I find myself looking to the sky for rainfall, knowing that there is something better.

I’m looking forward to the years to come…


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If anyone asks what I want for my birthday its:
1. MP3 player with AM/FM radio and voice recording. ok na skin ang 128 MB but it would be better kung mas madaming memory.
2. UPS for our computer, kasi parating ngabbrownout sa amin.
3. Digital camera, the higher the mega pixels the better, the more the features the better as well
4. New clothes, shoes, the works etc. he he he :)
isama mo na 'jan ang:
5. laptop
6. bagong cellphone
7. car

out of the ordinary

The point is: kapansin-pansin ang mga bagay na di pangkaraniwan, out of the ordinary.

      Bakit sa commercial ng Close Up kapansin panisn yung girl na nakasmile? Tama si Ava, kasi maganda siya, makinis, manda manumit at of course naka-smile siya. Pero yung point ng commercial is being kapansin pansin dahil sa ngiti di ba? Sa bagay di naman talaga pangkaraniwan ang parating nakangiti. Ikaw ba naman mananatiling nakangiti habang nagaantay ka ng sakay ng bus habang umuulan at alam mo na mukhang kakapusin yung dala mong pera dahil tumaas nanaman ang pamasahe? Magmumukha kang timang di ba?

Ako, na wala sa karanaiwang porma*

      Kaya naman ang isang taong tulad ko, na kinasanayan nakikita na naka t-shirt, jeans at rubber shoes, ay mapapansin ng iba kung naka blouse at sandals, lalu na kung magskirt. Bakit ba? Anong problema nyo? Masama ba? Di naman siya dapat maging issue, di ba?
      Mas-comfortable ako ‘pag naka jeans t-shirt a rubber shoes at inaamin ko rin naman na naiilang ako at di sanay ‘pag pumuporma ng iba, lalo na pag pinapansin. Karma, ika nga. Ginagawa ko din kasi iyon, pinapansin ang mga bagay na hindi karaniwan. Kaya eto gumaganti sa akin ang mga napapansin ko: ako naman ang ginagatungan pag kapansin-pansin. Alam ko naman na natutuwa lang yung mga iyon kasi nakikita nila na nagiba ako nga image. Kailangan masanay na ako. Kaya siguro ako ilang magbihis ng iba, di lang sa ayaw ko mabasa ang paa ko ‘pag umuulan, pero kasi hanging ngyon pikon pa rin ako.
      Sa totoo lang gusto ko rin naman ang pormang ganun (girly?), di ko lang napu-pull-off gawa ng di talaga bagay sa’kin at di ko nadadala o dahil alam ko na ang probability na maiilang ako is a sure event. Siguro nga dahil di ako sanay kasi di ko sinusout ang mga ganung bagay parati di tulad ng ibang tao. Dala na rin siguro kasi wala akong pera pambili ng mga ganun Mahal ho ang mga damit na ganun na magagnda. ‘Pag may pera naman ako ini-invest ko na sa mga damit na alam kong magiging panatag ang loob ko. Mas gusto ko na lang makisakay sa pormang kaya ko. Alam ko naman na di ako maganda at di rin ako nagmamagnda – minsan lang :).
      Siguro balang araw ‘pag may pera na ako, ‘pag may sasakyan, pero that’s someday, not today. Dahan-dahanin na lang natin, ok? Para masanay ako.

*obvious ba? may pinariringan.

Tunkol sa pagiging kakaiba.

      Pero masaya maging out of the ordinary, dahil nagiging unique ka. Pero kung ang lahat talaga ng tao ay unique ano na ba ang karaniwan? Hindi masa, hindi pop, hindi uso? E, ano uli yung kakaiba? Pang-philo paper ito!